in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
