I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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