After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
