take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
