The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
