what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
