it hurts more in the daytime
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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