Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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