I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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