Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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