just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
