I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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