wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
