HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
