Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
