I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
