her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
