The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
