break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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