Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
