You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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