I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
