i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
