it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
