weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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