She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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