Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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