My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
