I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
