Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
