You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
