Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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