My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
