Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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