Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I love having hate sex.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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