oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
