New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
