you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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