I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just had sex on a roof
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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