i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
