No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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