I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize