She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
