Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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