Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
