i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
