I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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