First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I need to calm my uterus...
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