I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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