I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
