I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I think people are normalizing furries
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
