I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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