How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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