Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize