nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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