(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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