Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
