Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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