considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
