Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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