He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize