I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
