I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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