So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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