I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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